The Past vs. The Present

Ben and I were chatting online last night when he told me to go and take a look at his MySpace page. I went over to his page and saw that someone we went to high school with had posted an old picture of him. All of my memories of Ben pretty much involve the skinny Ben that I knew in high school. Yes, I've seen the heavier Ben, but even now, I don't see the weight, I just see the same Ben I always knew. Anyway, this started a discussion of how we see ourselves and comparing how we look and feel now vs. how we looked and felt when we were thinner.

Many of us have been heavy for more than a few years, and even if a little extra weight is new to you... Do you ever just close your eyes and remember what it felt like to be back in that skinny body? I'll admit, there are times when I forget that I'm heavy (I know, it's hard to believe when you weigh as much as I do), but then there are times when I just feel like I weigh a whole lot more than I do. Trying to remember what being thinner and having more energy felt like isn't all that hard for me since I got a taste of it again just a couple of years ago (I wasn't at my goal weight, but lets face it, after losing 110 pounds I felt pretty damn good). I close my eyes now and think back now to what it felt like. The energy I had was amazing! I not only felt better physically, but mentally I just felt like I had really accomplished something and I was proud of myself. I could do simple things without getting out of breath (like walking across a room or bending over to tie my shoes). I didn't moan and groan when someone asked me if I wanted to go for a walk (sometimes I'd go for a long walk and then turn around and go for a hike later that day). I participated in 10k's almost every weekend and always tried to beat my time from the 10k before. My knees, ankles and back didn't hurt, I wasn't tired all the time, I was happier and more outgoing. The list could go on and on. I know since I'm older and my body has changed, that I probably won't ever look like I did when I was 15 years old ever again. But that doesn't mean I can't at least get to my goal which is probably pretty close to what I weighed when I was 15 years old.

Now whenever I feel like I can't continue on, all I have to do is close my eyes and remember what it was like to be thin and know that eventually, I'll make it there again someday. You should give it a try sometime. Maybe it will help give you that little boost of motivation when you need it most. :)

This is Ben and I 18 years ago at a family reunion
(I couldn't really smile because I had pecan pie in my mouth)

Ben and I before a homecoming dance when we were 15 yrs old.