Disqualified

I almost wasn't going to blog tonight. I'm extremely tired, but I needed to write about my day before I forgot (and I don't like to disappoint because I know all of you want details on my little adventure today). LOL! If none of this makes sense, I apologize. My brain passed "shut down" mode like 2 hours ago (it's actually 2:30 AM, I just changed the time so this would still post under Monday's date). By the way, this is a long blog tonight, but I just can't leave out certain details if you want the full entertainment of it all. LOL!

Ok, so I drove down to Cincinnati this afternoon for my appt. with the Read Hartman Research Center. I got there about 20 minutes early, but decided to go on in anyway. Good thing I did. Man, the consent form they gave me to look through and sign was ridiculous! It was like a novel. The more I read, the more I was like "crap, what am I getting myself into?" LOL! Here's a few excerpts from the form (yes, they actually let everyone bring a copy home). Their xerox machine must go through a lot of ink.

Purpose:
The purpose of this research study is to evaluate the changes in the appearance of hair on your forearms after applying test products for 14 weeks.

Study Procedures:
A clinical assistant will make several small marks on your forearms with a skin marker and red pen to define the areas on your arms in which you will apply your products. You will be asked to maintain these marks for the duration of the study. (woohoo, so I'll get to spend the entire summer with red marker all over both of my arms. It's a good thing we all wear short sleeves in the summer) LOL! Later in the form it talks about a template they use to make the lines on your arms, how they dye the hair on your arms, shave them and take pictures. Fun!

The next several pages just go through what will happen at each visit. 4 of those visits include a pregnancy test. Maybe they're putting stuff in the cream to make us pregnant and they want to make sure it takes? :) After all, they only let women into the study. LOL! One part I thought was funny (I think I may have even laughed out loud when I was reading it)... "you will agree to use an acceptable type of birth control which will include"... (they name the usual ones) then it says "condom with spermicide even if you practice abstinence". Ok, correct me if I'm wrong... but doesn't abstinence mean you're refraining from having sex? Why would you need a condom for that? I can see it now... "Ok honey, we aren't having sex, but you're going to need to put this condom with spermicide on anyway". LOL!

Ok, this gets even better. Wait for it.... wait for it....

Risks:
It is possible that you might have a "skin reaction". A skin reaction could show up as a rash, acne, red hair bumps, blistering, stinging, tingling, burning, (oh it's getting better as we go isn't it?), redness, dryness, or itching of the skin. (here's the kicker)... Other potential side effects are bleeding skin and numbness (super!). Then it goes on to say that they will provide medical care at no cost if any of this stuff happens. But.... providing such medical care is not an admission of legal responsibility on their part. Ummm... well then why even bother paying for it? It wasn't your fault anyway. Right?

One lady got up and left after reading her consent form. Can't blame her. She said it was because she didn't want her arms marked with a red marker, but we all know the real reason (bleeding and numbness). Or maybe she doesn't want to use a condom while being abstinent. LOL! A little voice in my brain kept saying "Aimee, this sounds a bit crazy... did you read the part about bleeding and numbness?" But did I get up and walk out? Heck no! I was signing on the dotted line wanting to know what we do next. LOL!

Now, have you ever been sitting in a waiting room with a couple of other people, you're trying to read a magazine and yet the person next to you just won't shut up? That's what happened to me today. I actually wasn't reading. I was pretending so I didn't have to talk to... lets refer to her as "crazy lady". Out of all the people in the room, I was the lucky victim. First she told me about how she's done a lot of "these types of tests". I couldn't help but think about how one of those tests she took must have had a side effect of "could cause craziness" because she was suffering from it. LOL! Don't get me wrong, I'm all for chatting about the weather and such if I don't know you, but this lady was all in my personal business (and I don't mean stuff like "are you married, have any kids, how old are you, etc"). Go deeper.... much deeper. I just kept starring at my magazine (reading the same 2 lines over and over again because I couldn't concentrate long enough to get a whole paragraph in), and she just kept asking the questions. I ignored her and "crazy lady" just kept talking like she heard me answer. LOL!

Ok, long story short(er).... they took me back to a room where they asked me a bunch of questions (basically it was a verbal pop quiz to make sure I had actually read through the consent form - glad I did). LOL! From there I got a folder with my name on it, a copy of the consent form and a timer that was set to go off in 15 minutes (what happens in 15 minutes I'll never know). I got sent across the hall to another room and a lady there asked me even more questions. We didn't get very far. Basically when we got to the part about menstrual cycles, I was disqualified because I don't have regular periods (you really wanted to know that didn't you?). I'm sure you would have rather heard "I got disqualified because my arms weren't hairy enough for the study", but that just wasn't the case.

"Crazy Lady" was there in the waiting room when I came back out (is this woman stalking me?). I told the receptionist that I had been disqualified and signed out. Crazy Lady asked me why I was disqualified, very loudly from across the room (still ignoring her). I asked the receptionist if there were any other studies I could participate in (hey just because they wouldn't let me have numb arms that bleed in this study, doesn't mean there isn't another study out there that won't let me experience it). LOL! So... I have an appt. next Monday and Tuesday to let another company wash my forearms with body wash for $40. This is only a 2 day study instead of 14 weeks (sounds better to me). If someone wants to wash my arms with body wash and pay me $40, lets do it! The side effects can't be any worse than what I already read about. LOL!

So, other than my usual stuff, that was my day. Aren't you glad you stuck around and read all of this? LOL! Well, I thank you for sticking around. I'll probably re-read this a year or so from now and say "what was I thinking?" :) TTYL!