Tuesday, April 10, 2007

How We See Ourselves


Why is it that when we’re skinny (or at a healthy weight) we tend to think we’re fat? Then as we gain weight, we know we’re fat, but in denial about just how fat we are. Until one day, there we are, going about our business and someone snaps our picture. They think you automatically would want a copy, so they send it to you. You take a look at the picture and say “wow, who’s that poor fat woman (or man) who wasn’t able to hide from the camera fast enough?” Then you realize it’s you! You look at the picture a little more closely. Still in a little bit of denial, “that just can’t possibly be me” you say. Next comes the magnifying glass. You say, “OMG, it is me! When did I get that big? How long have I looked like this? Why didn’t I notice this before? Has anyone else noticed?”

My most recent “fat” picture came on Christmas day (2006). I think it was my brother’s gift to me, all wrapped up in the viewing area of his camera. He was supposed to be taking pictures of everyone opening their gifts, but instead, he seemed to be having more fun taking pictures of me (normally I take all of the pictures). I’ll admit part of it was funny. I kept making faces at the camera and everything, but that was before I saw what I looked like. I couldn’t believe how big I was. What happened to me? Where’s the Aimee I had gotten to know 2 years earlier? I knew I had gained all of my weight back, but I didn’t feel as big as what the pictures showed. I was really embarrassed by what I saw that day. Embarrassed enough to start making a change the next day? No, not really. I did what most people do and said “I’m going to start again on January 1st”. Did I start on January 1st? Yes I did! Can I say I’ve stuck to it from January 1st until now? Sadly, no I can’t. It took me until March to get my mind in the right place again.

The point is why can’t we see ourselves for what we really look like? Why do we see ourselves as heavier when we’re thinner, and thinner when we’re heavier? I know after I had lost 110 pounds and was 30 pounds from my goal; I had a lot of days where I still felt like I was really fat. Now that I am really fat, I’d give anything to get back to those days again. It’s like it’s a psychological game we play or something.

Anyway, I feel the need to share my Christmas 2006 photo with all of you. The only reason I’m sharing it (as embarrassing as it is), is because I know my Christmas 2007 photo is going to be much better. So here I am as crappy as I look…

Me, Christmas 2006, taken by my brother Eric.



I have my weekly weigh in tomorrow morning. I don't think I'm going to be down at all, but hopefully it won't be too bad. I did really good today. :) TTYL!

9 comments:

Anonymous said...

Great picture Aimee. I know what you mean. I stay away from the camera at all costs. I hope you have a great weigh in. I love your blogg.

Katie

Mindy said...

Good luck today at your WI!

- 0 0 ) ) said...

I agree with You, i dont think any fat person when they seen their pictures, really felt they looked that way. Is it because we never look beyond the neck?? when we look in a mirror, or avoid them all together. I never felt i was that "big" as a denial but yet i feel like that on the inside, i was huge!

The day before i joined WW this time i told my DD to take pics of me with her webcam, the other day was a month later and We took them again and placed em side by side. Its nice to see what others see, even if it is hard to look at. Makes me want to work even harder.

bigdogz said...

I can certainly identify with your post. I have been 110 thinner too! I wish I was as fat as I was when I thought I was fat. Good luck we can do it again.

Amanda said...

It is so very easy to ignore isn't it? I ignored the first 60 without batting an eye.

I should e-mail you the Christmas photo that made me sob for days!

Keep on keeping on! I know we can do this even if it's the second time around.

Anonymous said...

Hey Aimee,

I really admire and respect your honesty and perseverance. You go girl! ;)

Don't get too bogged down with what comes out on camera. I truly believe that the camera adds weight. And not just to my own hips! I've noticed my svelte friends looked puffier on a 3x5 glossy...makes one wonder if Kodak is the parent company of WW ;)

Anonymous said...

I get so upset when people judge other people because of how they look in a picture or on T.V. I know several people who have been to the "Oprah Show" and she is not as heavy in person as the camera makes her appear.... and you are accountable for posting that picture on your blog! Hoorah for you! That is hard to do! I know I've looked at several pictures of myself and thought... "Wow, that's me?" Truth hurts... but sometimes it's just the motivation one needs :)

Candace said...

It takes real guts to show off something embarrassing and dreaded like that picture. You know what they say though..."No Guts, No Glory."

Good luck to you on your journey!

Candace,
Hornet2934 on WW Boards

Anonymous said...

You know, you're a beautiful person!